Isolation, uncertainty, fear. The more time spent in this space, the more I gravitate to Daphne. Situated in the very middle of my backyard, the sweet fragrance catches me in my tracks every time, forces me to pause, take a deep breath and replace all that troubles my mind with beauty and joy and hope. Just for a moment, yet a moment remembered.
The first time Daphne nudged me with her healing power was brought about by another deadly virus, HIV. That April was also a time of fear coupled with many hours of isolating silence spent sitting with Bret as he moved in and out of a coma and the uncertainty of how long each would last or if it was his last. Every trip to Bret’s apartment brought me through the front gate under a lush arbor of Daphne that I hadn’t even noticed until the fragrance caught me off guard and made me stop every time to breathe deep, overcoming my fears with hope for just a moment.
That moment of hope took root in my life as I searched out ways to bring more of it into millions of lives affected by HIV. The journey led me to support healthcare professionals who’d bend the rules to ensure Bret’s leftover, expensive) AZT drugs were not wasted, service organizations that evolved from gentle guidance through the dying process to treatment planning and advocates for workplace policies to meet the unique needs of a life lived longer with HIV. Through it all, scientists and researchers press forward to slowly move a deadly virus to a manageable and ultimately harmless one. Along the way I observed the global scientific community discover the value of cooperation over competition and the efficiency of cross-testing findings from one field into another. The HIV Vaccine Trials Network/HVTN global collaboration of clinics who have played a part in every HIV vaccine trial in humans was founded by the research institute widely known as an innovator in cancer research. The newly branded Fred Hutch now proudly lends its vast knowledge to any and all cures that save lives.
Next month would have been my 10th year cycling through Georgia as a reminder that the HIV pandemic is not yet eradicated and gratefully passing your financial support to HIV/AIDS research conducted at the Emory Vaccine Center. Neighboring the CDC, the EVC is skilled at the nimble shift of resources and learnings from steady progress in immunology against HIV to quickly address the latest threat to global health, be it Ebola or COVID-19. Our cycling event, the AIDS Vaccine 200, was cancelled this year due to the latter though I take comfort in my familiarity with the level of dedication these communities place on our global health and how urgent is their desire to ease the burden of front-line healthcare workers and my confidence in the vast array of HIV/AIDS support organizations to stay the course in the meantime.
I’m not immune to the fear and uncertainty brought on by this latest viral pandemic but the past 25 years have taught me to relax more into the beauty, remember to trust in hope, and breathe in deep. Thanks, Daphne.
This post is dedicated to the memory of lives lost in the early days of viral pandemics, when fear and uncertainty is at its peak, to the brave souls who hold their hands and the constant love of God to bring peace.
